‘Where there is no vision, the people perish’ Prov. 29:18.
That’s right. ‘Perish’. What am I planning to do with this new year? What and where is my heart set on for this year? I wish it could be a richly rewarding and fulfilling year. Sometimes I feel as though I’m merely ‘existing’ rather than living my life richly and fully each day. The days just go by doing the household chores…cleaning, cooking, feeding, clothing, changing nappies….it’s a vicious cycle that goes on day in day out. It’s so hard to treasure these moments, to see the beauty and meaning in it. I feel beyond exhausted and sleep deprivation is really taking its toll. Most days I cant think straight, let alone even ‘think’. My mind seems blank and I wonder where ‘I’ have disappeared to. What’s my purpose? My vision? I think I lost it somewhere between getting pregnant and being at home with 3 little people. Adorable and lovely as they are…a real gift from God each of them…I just need my own space sometimes…space to be, space to think, space to recharge and find ‘me’. Only that way I feel I can be truly present to them too.
2015 ended with bumping my head on a post and 2016 began with having a disagreement with hubby at Uniqlo. Doesn’t seem like a good kick start to the new year…but it certainly made me think a lot about things…especially the things that are going on inside of me. Why did that Uniqlo incident bother me so much? Why did I feel hurt and neglect by it? The root of the problem was elsewhere.
Anyway, I began the new year feeling selfish, frustrated, exhausted, tired and grumpy. What a great way to start the new year. I can only pray and hope it gets better. I pray this year can be a year of more answered prayers. A time to get and feel closer to God. A time for more self reflection. A time for more inward and spiritual growth. A time to shed those debilitating thought patterns, such as ‘mum guilt’ and ‘mum comparing’.
may your hand of love, care, blessing and protection be upon our family this year…Amen