As the autumn leaves are beautiful radiating all those wonderful colours, my life may look colourful and radiant to others at this time. Blessed with three beautiful children and a loving husband, what more could I ask for? I do feel blessed beyond belief and thank God each day for his boundless love and blessings upon my life…yet, as those autumn leaves radiate those bright colours with one last breath before they fall off and die, I too feel as though I’m spiritually falling off and dying…
Those trees will bear new leaves once again at the given time, but for now it’s a time of dying. It is a season that they must pass through. Maybe for me it is such a time too. A time of feeling dead, dry and parched. This too I’m certain will pass.
Raising three kids, especially with twins is not easy…I knew it wouldn’t be, but I seldom seem to have time to myself, let alone time to think, read or meditate. Maybe that’s why I feel so distant to God, and feel spiritually parched. I know this is a time of blessing, as I see these cute kids growing each day…yet there is always a sense of emptiness within me…I feel thirsty. Thirsty for God’s word. Thirsty for God’s love. All I have to do is reach out for it, but why is it so difficult?
Maybe it’s about living in the moment and not thinking too far into the future. Maybe I need to focus and enjoy each present moment. I worry that I’m not doing enough. I worry that I’m not being a good mother. I worry that I’m never going to be able to candidate. But maybe I should stop worrying that I’m not doing enough. I’m doing all I can right now. Doing my best to live each day.
When the time is right, I’m sure the time to bear new leaves and fruit will come again. But for now…let me just live in the moment of God’s grace. His grace which is sufficient for each day.