‘Where there is no vision, the people perish’ Prov. 29:18.
That’s right. ‘Perish’. What am I planning to do with this new year? What and where is my heart set on for this year? I wish it could be a richly rewarding and fulfilling year. Sometimes I feel as though I’m merely ‘existing’ rather than living my life richly and fully each day. The days just go by doing the household chores…cleaning, cooking, feeding, clothing, changing nappies….it’s a vicious cycle that goes on day in day out. It’s so hard to treasure these moments, to see the beauty and meaning in it. I feel beyond exhausted and sleep deprivation is really taking its toll. Most days I cant think straight, let alone even ‘think’. My mind seems blank and I wonder where ‘I’ have disappeared to. What’s my purpose? My vision? I think I lost it somewhere between getting pregnant and being at home with 3 little people. Adorable and lovely as they are…a real gift from God each of them…I just need my own space sometimes…space to be, space to think, space to recharge and find ‘me’. Only that way I feel I can be truly present to them too.
2015 ended with bumping my head on a post and 2016 began with having a disagreement with hubby at Uniqlo. Doesn’t seem like a good kick start to the new year…but it certainly made me think a lot about things…especially the things that are going on inside of me. Why did that Uniqlo incident bother me so much? Why did I feel hurt and neglect by it? The root of the problem was elsewhere.
Anyway, I began the new year feeling selfish, frustrated, exhausted, tired and grumpy. What a great way to start the new year. I can only pray and hope it gets better. I pray this year can be a year of more answered prayers. A time to get and feel closer to God. A time for more self reflection. A time for more inward and spiritual growth. A time to shed those debilitating thought patterns, such as ‘mum guilt’ and ‘mum comparing’.
may your hand of love, care, blessing and protection be upon our family this year…Amen
As the autumn leaves are beautiful radiating all those wonderful colours, my life may look colourful and radiant to others at this time. Blessed with three beautiful children and a loving husband, what more could I ask for? I do feel blessed beyond belief and thank God each day for his boundless love and blessings upon my life…yet, as those autumn leaves radiate those bright colours with one last breath before they fall off and die, I too feel as though I’m spiritually falling off and dying…
Those trees will bear new leaves once again at the given time, but for now it’s a time of dying. It is a season that they must pass through. Maybe for me it is such a time too. A time of feeling dead, dry and parched. This too I’m certain will pass.
Raising three kids, especially with twins is not easy…I knew it wouldn’t be, but I seldom seem to have time to myself, let alone time to think, read or meditate. Maybe that’s why I feel so distant to God, and feel spiritually parched. I know this is a time of blessing, as I see these cute kids growing each day…yet there is always a sense of emptiness within me…I feel thirsty. Thirsty for God’s word. Thirsty for God’s love. All I have to do is reach out for it, but why is it so difficult?
Maybe it’s about living in the moment and not thinking too far into the future. Maybe I need to focus and enjoy each present moment. I worry that I’m not doing enough. I worry that I’m not being a good mother. I worry that I’m never going to be able to candidate. But maybe I should stop worrying that I’m not doing enough. I’m doing all I can right now. Doing my best to live each day.
When the time is right, I’m sure the time to bear new leaves and fruit will come again. But for now…let me just live in the moment of God’s grace. His grace which is sufficient for each day.
‘I will instruct you…in the way you should go.’
‘Mother Teresa didn’t set out searching for fame; it found her. She simply went to India, found a need no one else was meeting, heard the call of God, allowed her heart to be consumed by it, and ministered to multitudes of the world’s most neglected and forgotten people in the slums of Calcutta. One of her most famous slogans was, ‘A life not lived for others is not a life at all.’ Let’s face it; much of what we do each day doesn’t seem to matter until it’s evaluated as part of a larger picture. When you take the minutiae of any given day, drop it into the cauldron of a God-ordained vision and stir it around, suddenly there’s purpose, worth, adrenaline and the joy that comes from knowing you’re fulfilling your destiny. It’s like the difference between filling bags with dirt and building a dyke to save a town. There’s nothing glamorous about filling sandbags, but saving a town from the ravages of a flood is another matter entirely. Building a dyke gives meaning to the drudgery of shoveling dirt into sandbags. And it’s like that with your vision. Many times the everyday routine of life can feel like shovelling dirt. But take those same routines and view them through the lens of a God-given purpose, and suddenly everything looks very different. Vision brings your world into focus. It brings order and purpose out of chaos. It enables you to see everything in a fresh light. And the good news is that God is the giver of visions—so ask Him for one!’
-Word for Today
Lately, I feel as though my life is rather mundane caught up in the everyday routine. Feeding babies, putting babies to sleep, bathing babies, feeding babies and feeding some more…on top of that I still have to be a good mother to Reyna… It’s hard to see the bigger picture or to see my God-given purpose in all this. Where’s order and purpose in the everyday noisiness and chaos I feel?
I had been really concerned and anxious about how Reyna would react once the twins arrived. Worried that she might become clingy, irritable and jealous. But I am becoming amazed daily at how she is taking on her role as a big sister. She loves her new brother and sister to bits and wants so much to help out. There is not an inch of jealousy in her when it comes to the twins! I am so thankful to see her adjusting and coping so well and my heart is moved every time she tells her brother and sister ‘I love you so much’.
I think I may have underestimated you Reyna. Thank you for being such a good big sister and for showing me that I needn’t have worried.
you burst from the grave.
Help us to burst into life.
You breathed on your disciples.
Breathe life into us.
In our baptism, O Lord Christ,
our self-centred life is buried,
And we rise up with your new life in us.
Day by day, may we be buried.
Day by day, may we rise anew.
May I leave all my heavy burdens behind and rise with you Lord…
Beneath the Waters
This is my revelation
Christ Jesus crucified
Salvation through repentance
At the cross on which He died
Now hear my absolution
Forgiveness for my sin
And I sink beneath the waters
That Christ was buried in
I will rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I stand a new creation
Baptized in blood and fire
No fear of condemnation
By faith I’m justified
I rise as You are risen
Declare Your rule and reign
My life confess Your Lordship
And glorify Your Name
Your Word it stands eternal
Your Kingdom knows no end
Your praise goes on forever
An on and on again
No power can stand against You
No curse assault Your throne
No one can steal Your glory
For it is Yours alone
I stand to sing Your praises
I stand to testify
For I was dead in my sin